whitesail

Well, one of my favorite artists, Sarah McLachlan, has finally come out with her new CD, titles Afterglow. I picked it up yesterday, and have listened to it twice now. Some of it I really like. Some of it doesn’t do much for me. And nothing jumps out at me as being totally fucking incredible like half the songs off of Fumbling Towards Ecstasy. Kind of disappointing in some respects, but Surfacing really grew on me after a few weeks, so I’m not done yet, okay?

For those interested and don’t know, my wife and I met on the Fumbling Towards Ecstasy (FTE) mailing list a few years ago. We’re both huge fans of Sarah’s, and after meeting on FTE and getting to know each other, I moved out here to Omaha and eventually we got married and had a baby boy last spring. So I have a whole lot of warmth and love in my heart for dear Ms. McLachlan. Yes, I do.

You see, Sarah’s music has been like therapy for me over the years. Her music is honest and sincere and beautiful and painful, that it became part of my recovery over the years. The first time I heard Hold On, I felt that I had come home in a sense. I bought Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on a whim….you see, I had never heard of her before….and when I got home I put in on the player and my life changed. From something as simple as learning that I could sing pretty well, which I didn’t really do when I listened to music before, to taking road trips by myself to see her in concert, I became more courageous and less fearful.

“All the fear has left me now
I’m not frightened any more”

The song Angel should be required listening for every addict everywhere. You’ll see yourself and learn something about you. And the rest of her music may teach us a little bit about how to recover. About being ourselves, growing up and letting go; about dropping the facades; about being with the pain and not letting it overcome us; about how to love and that we’re so much more than Good Enough.

Thanks Sarah.

Read these few lines and maybe you’ll understand how someone in recovery like me is drawn to her:

“it doesn’t mean much
it doesn’t mean anything at all
the life I’ve left behind me
is a cold room
I’ve crossed the last line
from where I can’t return
where every step I took in faith
betrayed me
and led me from my home” Sweet Surrender

“so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there’s vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don’t make no difference
escaping one last time
it’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees” Angel

“I feel just like I’m sinking
and I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go” Full Of Grace

“Into this night I wander
it’s morning that I dread
another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread” Possession

“Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
the mold that clings like desperation
Mother can’t you see I’ve got
to live my life the way I feel is right for me
might not be right for you but it’s right for me…
I believe…
I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I’ll defend it as long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand it” Elsewhere

“I don’t like your tragic sighs
as if your god has passed you by well hey fool
that’s your deception
your angels speak with jilted tongues
the serpent’s tale has come undone you have no
strength to squander
The only comfort is the moving of the river
You enter into me, a lie upon your lips
offer what you can, I’ll take all that I can get
only a fool’s here to stay” Ice

So now you’re sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
that you’ll be strong tomorrow and we’ll
see another day and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face…
Hold on
hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell” Hold On

“All the fear has left me now
I’m not frightened anymore
It’s my heart that pounds beneath my flesh
it’s my mouth that pushes out this breath
and if I shed a tear I won’t cage it
I won’t fear love
and if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
I won’t fear love” Fumbling Towards Ecstasy