whitesail

Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.

One of my favorite quotes by Rainer Maria Rilke, a German poet. Very appropos for the moment. It has been about six weeks since I quit my job. I didn’t have another job at that time, and made a somewhat rash decision in the face of a wave of abuse the likes I’ve never seen in my almost thirty years of being in the workplace.

Fortunately, we had some money coming in from various sources and we’re doing okay financially. But I’ve been very upset about my progress in finding a job and I’m extremely worried that I might have to take a job in a field I don’t want to go into, or back into. I don’t want to do grocery again, and I’d prefer not to do retail at all. My attempts to change my career direction have failed so far and there isn’t a whole lot out there that pays what we need and looks interesting to me.

All in all, I’m a bit frustrated and confused about what to do. I don’t like feeling this way. Then I read this qoute by Rilke and I am comforted a bit and wonder, is this really part of the plan? To some extent, I know this is true, but part of me doubts. And then I remember that I just have to trudge through that doubt and know that it really doesn’t exist.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

From the book Dune, by Frank Herbert