whitesail

“….God, as we understood Him….”

In the Step Three of Alcoholics Anonymous this is how God is referred to. AA gives us such a wide gate to walk through, that it seems very natural and gentle. You don’t have to believe in anything at all, except the fact that there is something bigger and smarter than we are that can help us to recover. When I first got serious about recovery, it felt very natural and easy to me, considering the circumstances. The circumstances were that I came to the realization that I could not run my life effectively and that I needed serious help.

When I was in the Salvation Army ARC in Virginia Beach, I was ready to do whatever it took. I went to at least one meeting every day. I got a sponsor who resonated with me. Gary had a great message and was very spiritual, although his background was completely different from mine. Gary was black and grew up in a broken home in the projects of Norfolk, Virginia. I grew up in a middle class family in the suburbs. But I wanted what he had, which was recovery, spirituality, peace and happiness. I did whatever he told me to do. I wrote in my journal every night. I also wrote about the steps that I was working at that time. I started sharing in meetings what was going on in my life. I started helping guys who were worse off than me. I held on to recovery as if it were a lifeline, and it was.

I did a lot of reading. I read the Big Book of AA every day. I was also studying the Twelve Steps under the guidance of my sponsor. I was also interested in reading other spiritual literature. One of the books my mother gave me when I was still lost was Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps by Melody Beattie. It was a different perspective on the steps, which is always nice. But the part of this book that changed my life was the Suggested Reading appendix in the back. I decided that I wanted to read some of these books to expand my horizon and boy did it ever. Just looking over it again reminds me of how much influence these choices had on me. These are some of the books that Melody’s reading list pointed me towards:

The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff
A Course in Miracles
Original Blessing by Matthew Fox
The Sermon On The Mount by Emmet Fox
The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

These are just a few of the many that guided me along my path that places me where I am today. So it was very early that, even though I was neck deep in AA and the Twelve Steps, I was also looking and searching everywhere I could for the spirituality that I knew I needed in my life. At this time, I also knew that I would never be a normal Christian. I was still in the Salvation Army and was surrounded by their form of Christianity, but I knew that it wasn’t for me. So I spent my time recovering and looking for my Home. My Path. And my Self.