whitesail

Television is evil. I say this because I’ve been watching too much of it lately and it can’t be my fault. I must have something to blame for my behavior.

It never ceases to amaze me the lengths I will go to to avoid life and to avoid dealing with myself. Granted, I have been working a new job lately with some pretty crazy hours and the stress that that entails, but that’s when I need to practice my spiritual discipline the most. So, instead, I’ve been spending a lot of time watching TV and have come to an astounding conclusion and a question. Most of it is shit and why am I watching it?

I’ve been feeling very disconnected the last few days. I’ve been very worried about our financial situation and my future at my new job. Not that I’m worried about whether I keep the job, but how fast I am going to progress and how fast I can increase my pay there. I’m getting very tired about worrying about money….this has been going on for about two years now. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. We get one thing squared away and something else happens. Health issues, fuck-wit employers, auto repairs, idiot government laws and workers, etc.

On some level I know that I am not a victim and that I am responsible for my life. But some days I don’t believe that and I just feel shit on. And, some how, some way, I have to let go of that and do whatever it is that I feel is the next best thing for me to do. One step followed by another…..

So what do I do right now? Well, I finish typing this. I go over to my wife and kiss her and tell her that I love her. I do a little yoga and meditation and my rituals….I could use a good banishing right about now…hehe. Then I go to bed and take care of myself tomorrow the same way I will tonight. Live well. Help someone. Take care of myself. Eat good food…that’s a big one for me now. Veggies and fruit, anyone?

My favorite songwriter says,

Count all wounds that brought you here.
Lay your blessings end to end.
Rid yourself of all regrets
because here is where it all begins.

and later

I don’t sleep most nights,
just lie awake and count my blessings.

I’ll hold you till the morning comes
’cause it’s all that I can do.