whitesail

I have been through a lot in the last three years or so. Maybe not as much as some people, but I have been through more than enough. Part of this has been of my own making, and part of it seemingly has come from others. Over my spiritual journey and recovery these last years (almost two decades,) I have come to believe that we are responsible for our lives. When I say that, I mean for every last drop of experience, we are responsible. Whether you call it karma or the law of attraction, I am responsible. Consciously, I never asked to be attacked by my wife or her mother or anyone else, but on some level there was a request made and it was honored by the universe. I am not, nor have I ever been a victim. I will say, that I have played the role of victim quite well though, and today I give up that role.

I am responsible. I blame no one for their actions, as it does me no good whatsoever. I release anyone who has ever appeared to harm me in any way, as no harm was actually done to me. I let all that go. I freely send love to all people, whether they return it or not is of no matter. I am responsible.

Am I to blame for what has happened? That is a meaningless question, as blame is a meaningless term. Blame is always in the past, thus does not exist anymore. I am, however, responsible. Responsibility occurs in the present, and therefore has meaning and relevance. I take responsibility to my life, from this moment on. I therefore have complete power in my existence. I can do as I wish, however, as Uncle Ben said, “with great power comes great responsibility.” So I must wield this power for good. I must not be selfish, but strive to help my fellow man as much as I can. How can I truly be happy, if I do not share this gift?

I have no earthly idea where I shall go from here. My world is in flux. My marriage is dissolving. My career is non-existent at this point in time. To be honest, much of what I have typed, I doubt at times. I am, however, moving forward with some faith in what I am saying, and what is faith? Is faith strong only when we know for sure what will happen? Or is our faith stronger yet, even though we have serious doubts….doubts in ourselves, the universe and God Him/Herself? Do not the biggest miracles happen when our rational minds say, “This is impossible!!”

I expect these miracles, even though I have doubts. Faith.